bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
