So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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