I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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