you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
