worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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