i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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