I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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