I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
