when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
