Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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