I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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