Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
