He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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