Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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