so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
