So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
pray to the hookup gods
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
