I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
