areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
