I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
