3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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