11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
