True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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