Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
