I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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