Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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