I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
