Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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