we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
BRING THE BAGELS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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