I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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