I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
