The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
