He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
