Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is my gift to your gina
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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