twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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