So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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