He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Acid is not a monday night drug
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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