I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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