I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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