it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
