Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
