Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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