Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
