hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
