Me. At least after what I've been through.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize