an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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