Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
