I'm lost and stupid without you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
