is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
