zippers are such a cool invention
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
