Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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