You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
