I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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