dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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