Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
