whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
