Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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