Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
