You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize