i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
